I​ cant help but feel so lonely

All this pushing and pulling is a strain on my heart.
I miss the ease of loving
What more must we endure
Im burning cold inside where i was once warm and soft
I thought i could be your pillow but my subtle love disorients your psyche. Your awareness of me jaded
My love for you faded where it was once elated
not quite ready to let go but not sure if i should be staying
I dont want to need you but i know its true
I dont want to hurt you but i probably do
Rain pouring on my soul to extinguish this cold fire
Am i delusional for remaining faithful in my faith in us? 
Or is it really time to divide this one into two

I dont know, i guess i can keep praying about it..

try to pay attention to the signs..

tell myself id be ok without it
God tell me now how to move
Cuz im running in circles when you know i only want to be happy. But when i think about it what the fuck is happiness? Maybe its everything..everything at once, the good bad the ugly, building us restoring trust, even the lust, missing you at 3am, hearing you call me gorgeous, the tingle in my body when you hold me close, what about the heartache that rips me open…to endure a deeper kind of love. Maybe everything felt is the journey to love and fairytales do exist..or maybe I’m just delusional